Care Package, No Strings Attached

What do you give someone in pain (physical or emotional)?

With fear and anxiety running high, it's no surprise that projecting is rampant. Laura Berman Fortgang

It’s not helpful to project what you think a loved one would like.

Alternatively, following is what Laura Berman Fortgang suggests:

1. Start by identifying your thoughts and feelings, and what the other person is most likely thinking and feeling. Where is the line? Sort it out.

2. Let other people be responsible for their own reactions. ​
Stop doing it for them.

3. Check in.
If you don't know, ask. Be direct.

What can I give to loved ones who are in physical and/or emotional pain?

I don’t know what loved ones are thinking and feeling. I do know what they don’t want: pity, feeling sorry for them. Instead, I’ll try compassion. Rena Chase, yoga instructor, says, “First be compassionate with yourself.”

Identify your thoughts and feelings

Being compassionate with myself means getting in touch with my feelings. Music helps me with that. I jot down a few of my current favorite upbeat songs and singers:

• What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love sung by Max Milner

• Canto Dela Terra sung by Andrea Bocelli and Lauren Daigle

• You Raise Me Up sung by Josh Groban

Imagine what the other person is most likely thinking and feeling

Next, I become a detective to figure out what those who are experiencing pain would appreciate.

I listen to them, check out their social media comments, shop for their farmers market preferences, check in with their interests, and try to connect with them whatever way possible, by phone/text/email/onsite.

Let other people be responsible for their own reactions

When and where we connect and how the caring is received is not in my power. Plus, I don’t know everything that’s going on in their lives.

I aim for patience. When and if the connection is finally made, whether their reaction is good or bad or uncertain, it feels like a light at the end of the tunnel.

Something To Think About

• What are YOUR favorite upbeat songs?

• Who are YOUR favorite singers?

• With whom do you want to share your favorite upbeat songs/singers?

• How can you share your favorite upbeat songs/singers?

If you aim to connect throught songs, ask the person with whom you are trying to connect, what THEIR favorite upbeat song/singers are. If they can’t talk, play songs you think they might enjoy and look for the light in their eyes or movements.

Have patience, with yourself and others.